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  • » Name: aliya ewing
  • » Location: Boston/ Hartford/ Vegas
  • » Member Since: 04/13/07
  • » Bio: I am a writer and a mother (not in that order). Big fan of art in various forms. Firm believer that nothing beats Ciroc vodka and good conversation. (i've loved ciroc for yrs...WAY b4 Diddy's ads)
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Don't Sweat The Technique...

Viewing Posts Tagged "Hip Hop"   View All

MY FAILING LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP


June 12, 2007 | Tags: Hip Hop, Common, relationships

So recently I found myself once again defending my love/hate relationship with rap music to a friend who doesn’t listen to it. I made her read the lyrics to Common’s “ I Used to Love H.E.R.” to help her comprehend the music’s evolution, and consequently, the complexity of most people’s feelings towards it. She began to understand…but not fully…so, naturally, I decided to blog. (Side note: if rap music, according to Common, is a H.E.R…does that make me a lesbian??...Only on select weekend nights at the club I guess…what is this, college again??...kidding...)
Loving rap music is like being in an up-n-down-emotional-rollercoaster-verbally-abusive relationship. You know, the type of topic on Dr. Phil episodes, and everyone in the audience is yelling “then just leave H.E.R!” …but they are looking from the outside…they don’t know H.E.R like I do…they simply can’t relate. She didn’t always treat me like this, but the older we got, the more she turned her back on me. She was the outcast girl in school who suddenly found popularity and became an asshole. She went from being humble and self-aware to being outwardly abusive; contradicting everything she once claimed she was against. So, I considered leaving H.E.R. After all, It wasn’t like I didn’t have other options; I had been fuckin wit this chick Jazz for a minute now…plus some others on the side too. But my problem was that I could never make a clean break. You ever try to break up with a girlfriend but you’re still close with her mom, brothers etc? You know they aren’t the problem, so why take it out on them? But then…they eventually start to talk about her…about how good you were for each other…and you start to believe it all over again. Point blank, we were too involved with each other’s family to ever truly leave. She continued to chill with my three older brothers and countless members of my crew, and I couldn’t leave her fam alone either. How could I possibly expect to leave rap when I still loved Hip Hop?
So the cycle continued. But I got smarter and started to recognize how she was playin me. She would basically give me just enough to keep me wanting more. She would act up just till the point at which she saw I was getting serious about leaving…then she’d start telling me all those sweet things she used to tell me… and like a fool I fall in love all over again thinking she would finally start to change. And what once was a healthy relationship in which we listened to each other and talked about things that actually mattered, turned into being a fling. An occasional booty-call on the weekends. We tell concerned mutual friends that it’s “nothing serious” and we are “just having fun”, not realizing how badly we’re demeaning our relationship. And the cycle continues. I still chill with her (at the club mostly). Usually, I decide to end the night early because I can’t stand to listen to H.E.R talk and talk without ever really saying anything. She bores me. I’d much rather look through old (photo) albums of how she once was. Damn she looked good back then…raspy voice, complex background, and H.E.R. body (of work) was straight BANGIN….I want H.E.R back…because despite all the bullshit I still firmly believe, in true abusive-relationship fashion, that we can make this right.


The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the writer and not necessarily those of HipHopDX.com or Cheri Media Group.

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