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  • » Name: Amanda Bassa
  • » Location: VA
  • » Member Since: 09/21/07
  • » Bio: student, future change maker, and everything you wouldn't expect me to be.
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The Undisputed Truth

So THAT'S All It Takes


October 17, 2007 | Tags: none


I think I finally figured it out. It took me long enough*, especially considering I live in what’s technically considered the South…but I think I get it now.



Are you an aspiring starter of the newest youtube dance craze? Looking to put out the next snap music hit? Do you want to be the next Lil Jon? Well, stress your little vocabulary deficient brains no longer, seekers of one-hit-wonderdom, for I hold the answer to your success.



Bass.



That has to be what makes some of these shit-tastic songs get half the play that they do. A lot of people these days have a bass addiction. The surgeon general is going to have to put out a warning soon, because sometimes I feel like people are so hooked on it that they take it too far. Next thing you know you’re sitting in somebody’s car who has a system, listening to some Three 6 Mafia (any basshead knows the beats bang), and you’ll fuck around and catch a collapsed lung.



But this bass serves a very useful purpose to the up and coming shitty lyricist – in the amateur system of the average neighborhood bass fiend, it will probably distort the sound slightly, make odd parts of your car that you were never aware of before begin to rattle and make obnoxious noises, and overpower the song so much that you can barely hear what the person that’s rapping on the song is even saying. This is your dream come true, future maker of music devoid of intelligence. You could say whatever you like and nobody would seem to care because they’ll be so engulfed in the vibrating speakers. Hell, you could talk about a recipe for buttercream frosting and the best methods for cake baking, put it to a bass-heavy beat, and some idiot out there will probably end up bumpin it in the whip, or crankin dat bake a cake in the club.



It’s as simple as that, folks. If you know your lyrical skills are lacking, just take the instrumental and turn up the bass. Make sure the whole album is like that, too. Because God forbid somebody actually hears every word to one of your songs and realizes that you lack any sort of talent. Just keep the beat banging, keep the listeners’ asses comfy off the bass massage they’ll get in their cars, and make sure you have a good lawyer in case somebody wants to try and pull a fast one and sue you for collapsing their lung. See you on the top of the Billboard charts. I better get a shout out on the album, too, for sharing this valuable info with you. But you better make sure I can’t hear it.



 



*My apologies for my sudden absence of sorts. Midterm season does that to you. Don’t be surprised if I pull another disappearing act in a month or two when finals roll around. Such is the life of somebody trying to get out of college ASAP. Just don’t go thinking you guys got rid of me that easily.





The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the writer and not necessarily those of HipHopDX.com or Cheri Media Group.

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