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  • » Name: Amanda Bassa
  • » Location: VA
  • » Member Since: 09/21/07
  • » Bio: student, future change maker, and everything you wouldn't expect me to be.
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The Undisputed Truth

I Swear to Tell the Whole Truth


January 16, 2008 | Tags: none

As if you couldn’t have already figured it out from my recent posts, my head has been a jumbled mess of heavy thoughts as of late. This is why I haven’t come on here lately with some theory about some sort of hip hop phenomenon, or some odd piece of YouTubery, or an attempt at verbally shitting on some public figure that I hold responsible for some sort of injustice. Sorry, but this is one more post that won’t include any of that because, well, my mind simply hasn’t been on that track right now. This is one of those posts that (if you actually read the whole thing) I’d like you to really reflect on. Perhaps your commentary will help me get my head straight as well.

I discovered something today that as of now holds true (at least to myself). It was extremely peculiar, seeing as how this subject is something that I have spent countless hours thinking very deeply about; however I had never thought about it in this way until today. I came to the conclusion that the concept of a person telling a lie is nothing but a manifestation of fear. Now, as always, there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing about this point – but at least hear me out for a quick second and think this over.

Why do we tell lies? Why do you personally choose to tell lies (if in fact you do)? For a long time in my life I had an awful habit of lying about various things that I truly did not need to be lying about. For anybody reading this that suffers from this immensely detrimental habit – do your best to squash that shit ASAP. Hear me out before you start fucking up important things over some insignificant bullshit. My solution to this was to develop a policy of what could be argued as being brutal honesty. To me it seemed better to take the risk of hurting someone by means of blatantly speaking the truth, rather than to hurt them by underhandedly feeding them lies. Lying made me just as bad a person as the ones I sit and talk shit on about how they feed the propaganda machine and mislead innocent people and all that sickeningly frustrating stuff. I contradict myself a lot, but that was one instance of hypocrisy that I realized was anything but good.

My solution helped (or at least it helped my own conscience), but I realized that until I understood why I had that habit in the first place, that the solution was devoid of the deeper meaning that I needed it to possess. Besides, if I truly wanted to stop myself from falling victim to the habit, I knew I needed to squash the source of the urge to tell the little bundles of destructive words that we know to be lies. I can only speak for myself, but I think that source was my own fear. Fears that I didn’t necessarily know that I had in the first place. Was I afraid of rejection if the truth came out? Was it just that I was too scared to hear myself admit certain things out loud? Was I afraid of inflicting emotional pain onto the people that I cared about? I’m still not entirely positive, but a lack of other plausible reasoning and the general course of my life would tell me that the answer to these questions is probably “yes”. By some sort of transitive property of my own twisted logic, this tells me that to truly achieve my goal of sincere honesty, I need to banish my fears.

Not to be redundant or anything, but the problem with that is that it basically poses another problem. Fear is an extremely difficult thing to overcome. Shit, some people never overcome their fears. I like to think I’m pretty damn strong, but as you already know (and as a lot of you take pleasure in bringing to my attention on a regular basis) – I am nowhere near perfect. Fear is a feeling that all of us will undoubtedly feel at some point throughout the course of our lives. How do you really squash a feeling that is natural to your very being? If you say that you are fearless, are you ironically lying? By claiming that, are you merely doing nothing more than letting the fear of succumbing to a fear manifest itself into a claim that you don’t possess that fear in the first place?

Marinate on that. Hit me with your thoughts. I'm genuinely curious about this. Peace, and have a wonderful Wednesday, DX. 


The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the writer and not necessarily those of HipHopDX.com or Cheri Media Group.

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