It’s no secret that there are a few notable names, “A-listers” if you so desire, that just get on my last fucking nerve. Second only to Oprah as far as rich women on that list go is Tyra Banks. But, just as I do with Oprah, I keep my eye on Tyra just to see what she’s up to, so that way if I ever get my own talk show, I know what not to do. Well, that, and there’s not much else on TV on a Wednesday night.
This past Wednesday though, Tyra outdid herself. No, I don’t mean “outdid” in the sense that she put yet another poster of her forehead-prominent face in the house that the America’s Next Top Model contestants are staying in. Tyra decided to OD on awareness* this week as she made the contestants model with women in a homeless shelter.
Leave it to Tyra’s conceited (and gradually getting fatter) ass to partake in the photo opportunity solo. I mean it would be utter blasphemy to be photographed with the homeless shelter residents** like the contestants did, right? Nevermind the fact that for some reason people idolize Tyra, and it probably would have made their day. But that’s not the point of this rant. Just take a look at that picture. Perhaps they were trying to use that little tool called “satire” (if you’re a model reading this, and this is too far over your head-that-probably-weighs-more-than-the-rest-of-your-body for you to comprehend, click here to see the definition) to call attention to a serious cause. Well, just as many previous endeavors by models trying to be intellectual ended, this was a big ol’ grade-A runway disaster.
I love D.C. newscasters sometimes, but continuing on…
The best way to sum up the whole episode is that it was a big spit in the face to homeless people. They straight up dressed the homeless (there’s got to be a better word for that) in couture gowns that could have easily paid a month or two of rent on an apartment to pose in a picture, while the uppity, voluntarily anorexic-looking models-in-training dressed like, well, homeless people. Because, you know, homeless people wake up everyday and fix their expensive makeup in the side mirrors of the cars parked along the streets or something, right?
“Will pose for change”. Either this is supposed to be some clever play on words, as “change” could mean some sort of progressive type of change, but let’s face it. You didn’t perceive it that way the first time you read it. I’d put “change” on it. So let me get this straight. If I’m cute and homeless, I just have to pose in some “high-fashion” manner and people will give me money? Well ain’t that some haute shit! I always thought prostitution was the money-maker on the streets as far as looks are concerned, but dammit, those smartypants models are one high-heeled step ahead of me once again.
Tyra then proceeded to talk about how this photoshoot was near and dear to her heart since…
…this deserves some sort of drum roll or something, that’s how ridiculous it is…
...since she had to be “homeless” for a day on her talk show.
Yeah, sure. Immersing yourself in the ways of the homeless involves getting your makeup done to look like you snorted just a slight excess of cocaine, and receiving advice on what footwear to sport while your camera crew follows you through the nitty-gritty streets of the inner city. I hope the camera crew had enough pairs of thick boots too, because at this point I’m feeling way sorrier for them than I am for Tyra. And isn’t that jacket that she picked off of the rack just a fabulous match for those needle-proof boots? Tyra, you so fierce! Work(boot) it, girl!
The fact of the matter is, there is so much that one could easily do to directly aid the homeless in the streets of America. Posing for pictures? Not really doing too much. I mean the least they could have done is airbrushed the models’ fingertips blue or something, because if they really sat outside on the streets of NYC in a cardboard box in the middle of February, that’s what they’d be looking like. But you know, that’s not so glamorous now, is it?
For those of you that actually give a shit about issues like these instead of using them to promote your talk show and give you an excuse to pose for a pretty picture, look up the volunteering opportunities around your way. Stay aware of how things are working in the business world – it’s quite interesting how many large corporations are cutting American jobs in favor of outsourcing goals, thus leaving people jobless and with families to support on relatively short notice. It may just be all in a capitalist’s day’s work, but if you have something to say about it, then say it. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but backing up your words with action? Priceless.
*The irony in this is that ANTM has been widely criticized for having racist tendencies. Actually, there’s so much irony in this that I can’t even put it into words. Here, let Tyra try…
…still scratching your head? Yeah, that’s what I do every time I hear this woman talk these days. Giving out Swarovski-encrusted, $100 containers of Vaseline? Come on Tyra, you could have at least passed them out at the homeless shelter. Peep how I started this little sidenote talking about one thing, and now it ends with blinged-out Vaseline. Proof that there is just so much wrong with this woman that you can’t even begin to talk about it all.
**If you call them “residents”, are they really homeless? But I suppose that technicalities were so last season.