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  • » Name: Amanda Bassa
  • » Location: VA
  • » Member Since: 09/21/07
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The Undisputed Truth

Move, Bitch!


July 17, 2008 | Tags: none

There are a lot of things about driving that I love. There are a lot of things about driving that I hate. The love outweighs the hate, but the hatred runs deep.

Sidenote: the next person I hear saying “hi, haters!” may catch the backhand.

Anyway, lately I’ve been doing a fair amount of driving, and that won’t change anytime too soon. And now that the weather is nicer, more people are taking to the streets in vehicles that only have two wheels. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s a large part of me that wants to pull a Trinity stunt and re-enact that Ducati scene from whatever Matrix movie it was. That looks undeniably exhilarating. And you see, bikes like that can actually go the speed limit. That’s key here.

If there was one rule of the road that I never have been able to understand, it was the fact that bicycle riders (those without motors attached to their two-wheeled apparatuses) are inclined to ride in the road rather than on the sidewalk. I could understand in Europe, maybe, where the cars are the size of bumper cars and are therefore not very intimidating. But in America? Let’s think about who would win in each scenario...

Gas guzzling Hummer H2 vs. bicyclist?

18-wheeler vs. bicyclist?

Bicyclist vs. pedestrian?

The bicyclist vs. the pedestrian is pretty much the only semi-fair match up. I can’t stress how absolutely irritating it is when you’re driving in a 40mph zone and traffic slows down to 20mph or so because there is some 50-year-old on a bike, decked out in highlighter-yellow gear in broad daylight as if we couldn’t see them already, riding down the right lane when there’s a sidewalk with nobody walking on it right next to them.

"Tree hugging ass bitch please!" Get in a motor vehicle, let out some emissions, stop interrupting the flow of traffic, and get out the way!

Why in the world would you not get on the sidewalk? I just don’t get it. Unless someone is seriously DUI, you won’t turn into road kill. If you hit a pedestrian with your bike, they’ll probably just get a few scrapes and bruises. Not to mention, they can simply just step out of your way. Most sidewalks end with a ramp nowadays, not a curb, so you won’t even have a very bumpy ride. Those sidewalks are like roads paved with gold for a bicyclist, yet some of these belligerent bastards still insist on getting up in the roadways where they can’t even get close to keeping up with the flow of traffic.

What possibly bugs me the most is that, and this is strictly my opinion here, these bike riders come off conceited as hell. The other day I saw a fairly old woman holding up traffic in a downtown area on a bike, even though she was right next to a sidewalk, wearing one of those highlighter-colored vests that had a “SHARE THE ROAD” sign taped to the back of it. That shit makes me want to just give them a friendly tap with my bumper sometimes. Share the road? You pretentious pain in my ass! Try sharing the sidewalk!

Yes, I realize how hypocritical I sound right now. Hush.

But for real, these people are so cocky. Never mind the fact that I see them blatantly ignoring traffic laws (stop signs, red lights, etc.) just because they’re not in a car but think they can use the same roads as a car does, but they shoot you bad looks when you come up behind them too fast or get a little close to them. Son. The lane is only so big. You got a couple feet of wide open space if you just get on the other side of the curb that you’re practically clinging to for dear life as fed-up drivers zoom past you so that they can get to work. So what the hell are y’all glaring at me for?

Maybe I just have a severe case of road rage (just ask the various people who have given me the finger or gotten into swearing-matches with me on the roads), but this is just one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard of. If you can’t go the speed limit, stay off the roads. Even though I can’t stand y’all, I’m saying this for your own good. And my own sanity. That is all.

Oh, and one last little sidenote…a few months ago I used to see this guy in one of those electric wheelchairs out on the road. I only ever saw him in this one right turn lane around the way. But I can’t even hate on him…that shit was hardbody. Even if it only went 10mph.


The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the writer and not necessarily those of HipHopDX.com or Cheri Media Group.

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