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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Maybe The Internets IS Killing Hip-Hop

A few days ago I was in my cousin’s basement “indulging” in KFC’s Honey Barbeque Boneless Wings, Madden NFL ’07 (they need to hurry up and drop that new shit already) and his iTunes collection. When the joint randomly switched to a song I liked, I asked him to turn it up.

To this day I still regret that request, because some ridiculously shitty Internets DJ’s watermark kept popping up throughout the damn thing, essentially fucking up the song itself:

Heh Heh Heh... Headshot.

And people wonder why I’ve dropped D-Block for motherfucking Hall & Oates.

Say what you want about the illegal downloading and its correlation with the drop in album sales [1]. Part of the reason the Internets may be fucking with music – particularly hip-hop – could deal with the fact that most people have to deal with a shitload of horrible “up and coming” DJs.

As much as I blast hip-hop music on the regular (a good 75% of my iPod is loaded with rap alone), it irritates the fuck out of me when I hear some retarded-ass “disk jockey” with a laptop and some shit yoked off of Limewire bark incessantly and unnecessarily over a song. I steal music because I don’t want to pay for the song jackass, not because it’s an “exclusive” from DJ Dirty Rice (what kinda extra shitty moniker is that?).

What pisses me off more is now that more extra-craptastic no-name humps think they can hop on an existing song and call it an “exclusive remix” as if they shared studio time with said artist(s). I guess it’s understandable when I hear some drugged-out coke fiend like (you guessed it) Lil Wayne [2] hop on a song by the Gym Class Heroes: maybe he’s tired of that Cash Money “trim” and needs some of that skinny jeans lovin’. Pause. But some unsigned hump that can’t even stay on beat? Not so much.

But the fuck do I know? Maybe that shit could get me a record deal that pays me well enough for me to get me the fuck out of my one-room mansion knee-deep in the so-called “City of Champions.” If that’s the case, be on the lookout for the new online mixtape by yours truly, the indeterminable DJ Shit Streak, called “The Mud Butt Diaries: You Got It For Cheap, But I Got It For Rupees, Volume 37.”

[1] Although I find it odd that nobody mentions the fact that while CD sales are down, digital sales are way up.

[2] You know, I’m really not trying to do this post I got in my head on why he’s not a really good rapper in a non-slanderous manner. But it’d probably get shot down as “hate” regardless. And maybe the tree monkey and BG had more in common than just more in Karrine. I’m just saying.

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