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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Diggin' In The Crates, Vol. 1

Well, not exactly. In actuality I have prior obligations that I have to catch up on, so rather than make some half-assed post, I thought it'd be better if I pulled out one of my older joints I never got around to posting. So without further adeiu...


Fuck Oprah Winfrey
Really, who gives a shit?

For the past few months, rappers, journalists and bloggers alike have been beefing with Black America’s billion dollar baby, Oprah Winfrey, and her supposed disdain for hip-hop music, thanks to her “attack” on recently born-again rapper Ludacris on a year-old episode of her show. In an effort to salvage what few black fans she has left, she backpedaled on New York’s Power 105.

“I got a little 50 [Cent] in my iPod. I really do. I like 'In Da Club.' Have you heard the beat to 'In Da Club'? Love that, love Jay-Z, love Kanye, love Mary J. Mary J. is one of my friends.”

I’m guessing Sofia hasn’t heard “Get In My Car” or “Cashmere Thoughts” from Mushmouth & Grant Hill.

Anyways, The Game, Ice Cube, Fiddy & a number of rappers have come forth to denounce their support for Oprah. The high point, however, is Purple Ribbon Piff Pocketer Killer Mike’s view on the situation:

"I'm down here on the fuckin' bottom. I'm never going to sit on [Oprah's] fuckin' couch. It’s never gonna happen," Atlanta rapper Killer Mike laments. "If Cube couldn’t sit on there and Luda got attacked, what the fuck do I have to lose? Just tell the truth. She's never going to decide she likes me, [wants] to help me sell some fucking records.”

You don’t say.

And that’s where a lot of this “animosity” stems from. Rappers don’t give a shit that Oprah’s busy building schools in South Africa so little girls can learn how to calculate exactly how much money they can get from conflict diamonds (the answer? Not so much), as long as she’s not helping them push copies of their mixtape.

Sounds like a bunch of NO MA’AM shit to me.

Who cares if Oprah isn’t a fan of hip-hop? Shit, I barely am nowadays. Last time I checked, her audience members weren’t full of all-over print hoodie-wearing jackasses. When she gave those cars away some two years ago, did any of those shits have rims? Hell, the last black jig she had on there was Will Smith, and he gave up on rap over a decade ago.

Bottom line is, just because someone’s black doesn’t mean they’re automatically hip-hop. Word to Barak Obama. Matter of fact, when have you seen a black hip-hop fan on television? The (White) Rapper Show? Who cares if the closest thing she has to hip-hop is her Weezy F. Baby-esque relationship with Gayle King?

One could argue that Oprah not being a hip-hop fan could actually be good for the sake of hip-hop. With her influence over the soccer moms of America, Karrine “Superhead” Stephans (who ironically was a guest on her show) probably would have had the proper parenting to not become hip-hop’s most notorious jizz rag. Most women quite possibly wouldn’t give it up after a Six Dollar Burger and fries on the first date. And there sure as shit wouldn’t be videos like these.

And we couldn’t have that now, could we.

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