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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Curtsy, Please Play In Traffic

If there’s anything more bitchmade than a bunch of humps running around cyber-insulting each other [1], it’s a bunch of asshurt idiots mad because they never got the chance to carry another man’s weed. Not to imply that some clowns from Jay’s old neighborhood don’t deserve anything, but I’ve always thought that getting mad when someone doesn’t keep a promise they made to you is some straight bitch-boy shit.

At the same time, running around making YouTubes about how wrong Grandpa Simpson is isn’t helping matters either. Think about it: who in their right mind would start spewing some wild jibba jabba about how they used to push off nickels and dimes with Jay-Z? The last time I checked that shit would constitute as snitching, but seeing as how it’s now the norm for rappers to rock zip-up muscle v-necks and give each other the reacharound, I don’t think anything is taboo in this field nowadays.

But perhaps they’re disillusioned that some no-talent hack like Memphis Bleek has more money than them, and rightfully so. Hell, I’m slightly pissed at the fact Memphis Bleek has more money than me. Then again, I can live with the fact that I don’t have to scrub the liver spots off my boss’ back to keep my lights on [2]. If that’s the case, then being a weed carrier who slaps up children for his weekly allowance is definitely > giving my boss a sponge bath every night.

Speaking of Curtsy, whenever his latest ear violator comes out, the annual Fiddy Cent Diss Fest is never far behind. While the shit may have worked in spades for his first go-round (and effectively ending the rapping Cookie Monster’s career in the process), the latter sessions seem more and more trivial and like a cry for attention. His current target is none other than Weasel F. Fraggle himself, which makes no sense since he has no visible issue with the hump, aside from that shitty song he did with Ja, much like his beefs with Fat Joe and Jadakiss. Frankly, this is just another ploy to attract people to buy his shit, as none of his singles have really caught fire, unless you count the countless “I Get Money” versions swimming out there. Honestly, if he caught another nine bullets with his teeth, I don’t think that’ll even boost the hype for this impending shit sammich.

You would think if Fiddy would stop holding on to the past and deliver at least a song with some semblance of thought put into it, perhaps he wouldn’t get shitted on in sales come 9/11. Shit, Kanye does it, and his music feigns more intelligence than that latest book by Michael Eric Dyson.

[1] Just because I was out of action for a few days doesn’t mean I didn’t catch that shit. You fuckers should be ashamed of yourselves.

[2] Or maybe Larry Johnson does that shit. It’s not like he’s doing anything else at the moment.

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