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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

What The Hell Is A Weed Carrier Used For Exactly?

Not to sound like I’m bragging or to put out too much information about my other half’s primary hustle, but thanks to a few phone calls and the luck of the Naija I was able to attend a photo shoot for a high profile artist’s upcoming album yesterday. Compared to the blusterous, maniacal world of freelancing on such wondrous commercial productions like Kentucky Fried Chicken and, errr, Pros Vs. Joes, photo joints are definitely a lot tamer than its big brother.

The thing I could have definitely done without however were the plethora of doobie rollers that flooded the scene. It’s one thing where you have your wardrobe stylist choosing which fits are good for the shoot; meanwhile, a whole bunch of jigs standing around doing nothing but playing NBA Live? Not so much.

Shit, I wish I could sit around playing video games and still collect checks for a living. I mean I did do that for three months last year, but that was because I was on unemployment, and that shit was running out fast. So technically that doesn't count.

Undoubtedly the poignant highlight of the day was the one guy who was in charge of holding the blunt that ended up being used for shoot. I wanted to shake the guy’s hand actually; it was the first time I’d personally seen a weed carrier in action. Get that man a record deal immediately.

Then again, it may not be in the label TI’s best interests to give that weed carrier any reason to pick up the mic, lest they actually think that they can convince the music-gaffling masses to cop an Eli Porter type of mess. But there was that one time Jermaine Dupri – whom I’ve always suspected of touching that one cancer-ridden jig from Kriss Kross so much his dookie braids fell out from the stress that comes with being anally violated into making “I Missed The Bus” – likely made some curly muttonchopped overlord happy when he convinced enough people to cop J-Kwon’s shit sammich, so I wouldn’t be surprised if someone tried to pull that off again.

“I’m the best mayne. I deed it.” The South stays losing.

I figure the reason there’s been an influx in weed carrying positions is likely due to the fact that rappers need enough bodies to stop all the hollow points flung in their direction. Why, I bet if Lesane had at least two of the Outlawz in that car the night a blammer hit his chest so hard his shoulders touched, not only would they have actually been put to good use but we probably wouldn’t have so many fagtastic rappers running around with vocoder pipes crammed down their throats. It worked for Fat Joe that one time his car got sprayed up in Miami last year, and all he lost were a couple of undocumented, fence-hopping migrant workers.

In these rough economic times, perhaps putting an excessive amount of ‘dro donkeys on your payroll isn’t the greatest idea. But damn if that position doesn’t sound tempting at time. Well, you know, except for the whole “catching bullets with your chest” part.

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