• » Name: Meka Soul
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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Black People: SMH

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past year and some change and don’t know this about me, I happen to like dumb shit. Whether it was Papoose trying to break his, errr, boo Remy Ma out of prison with a handcuff key – what, he couldn’t fit a nail file into a cake? – or the guy who had to sit on a toilet for three hours during a JetBlue flight, I’m enthralled with the idiotic tendencies of humans because they make my frequently frustrating life seem less painful.

At the same time though, said dumb shit also influences the negative stereotypes everybody (don’t front) has towards Black folks, if not every race known to man. I’ve essentially based my opinions on life off of the most skewed ideals ever. I was asked one time how I sleep at night having such quote-unquote racist thoughts; to that I answer, “With a sneer on my face and a heart the color of the midnight skies. And every once in a while, an ass in my hands.” But I’m straying off topic here.

If you really think about it, who doesn’t hold some kind of bias towards anybody? Shit, even the Pope hates gays, which is ironic considering he’s the HNIC (no Cellblock P) of a religious organization that houses a shitload of boy touching fruitcakes. So needless to say, you can’t tell me nothing about hypocrisy.

Speaking of mendacity, it’s come to my attention that two shows I watch more often than I should thanks to their portrayal of today’s current generation as a bunch of oversexed, drunken idiots are brought to me by the same coterie of Tall Israelis I’ve secretly been battling [1] since my esteemed Gotdamned Editor threw me this piece of bandwidth here: MTV’s The Real World and BET’s College Hill. Granted, I kinda stopped watching Bojangles Entertainment Television’s half-tarded show about the exploits of a bunch of pickle Kool Aid eating future WIC recipients a while ago, the sole reason it kept my attention for so long was due to how incredibly muttonheaded the cast members were. It’s kind of like the times I’d try not to laugh at the Asian kid in my high school class who had Tourette syndrome when he tried to deliver a presentation speech in front of class.

I haven’t really watched The Real World since they had that one jackass who kept singing “Come and be my baby tonight” or some shit, but it’s this Hollywood edition which may take the title of my current favorite train wreck shows. Roid-raged drunks and dimwitted Southern belles (and I use that term very lightly) are the usual, but this time they done fucked around and got an albino stripper who can’t keep her gap to herself, some random-ass dancing jig who almost makes me want to hack off my locks and some uppity Black guy who swears his shit doesn’t stink. In other words, they’ve gone on and picked out the three top stereotypes I have towards Black people and plastered them on a television show that’s a few miles from my neighborhood for the world to mock.

And here I thought the goddesses were pissing on my forehead these past few days.

Seriously, if I wasn’t “too old” to be a cast member, I’d seriously try to be on that show, if only to experience my first taste of some unassuming YT chick’s night life, then to blog about my experiences with avoiding the Germ while reaming her. Not only would I bring in the ratings, I’d probably leave that show with miles of White stank on my hang low. And if that isn’t the Black Man’s American Dream, I don’t know what is.

[1] What? You think I make fun of those yentas just to piss people off? Perish the thought.

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