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Tigallo Goes to the Movies

Peoples,

I'm feelin better than I ever felt befo todaaaaay... (c) 'Ye

A nigga finally beat that nasty head cold, so I decided to celebrate by catching up on a few movies (I'm craaaazy late on most of these, I know...)  It's hard to find time for 'regular people/everyday life' shit when you're always writing, recording, touring, blogging, interviewing, and still trynna bond with the people who bear the same last name as yours.  What better way to get up on some family time than to catch a flick together?  Here's what me and the fam peeped over the past few days:

Transformers
Rated: PG-13



The Backstory:  Truth be told, I was never really a big fan of Transformers as a child.  Instead of toys, I always wanted moms to buy me records and tapes instead.......still, I couldn't resist checking this one...

The Plot:  I'm convinced that whoever writes this shit is smokin that oooooooh weeeee (c) Martin  I seriously can't remember WHAT this shit was about.... something about these alien robot niggas who come to Earth to have their final battle over 'The Cube,' which is this awesome box that packs double the power of 100 Red Bulls and 10,000 Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks combined.  The Good Guys were Ratchet, Optimus Prime, and another nigga with alot of guns.....the main bad guy was Megatron...

The Verdict:  Dope flick.  Shia LaBeouf did his thing, and even my nigga Tyrese wasn't too shabby.  (Rumor has it that there's an alternate ending in which Tyrese obtains the cube from Megatron by singing his 1998 hit, 'Lately.'  Upon hearing Black Ty's melodious voice, Megatron weeps and comes to the realization that, 'no.....you HAVEN'T told me you loved me..'  However, that proved to be far too awesome an ending for 'Transformers,' and apparently Michael Bay is saving it for 'Go Bots' in 2009).  I must note that 'Transformers' was pretty long and isn't really a 'kids' movie, per se (my son went to sleep on it).  But even if you get lost in the story, it doesn't matter.  The special effects are dope, and the fight scenes are really something to behold.

The Grade:  B


Ratatouille
Rated:  G



The Backstory:  I am a HUGE Pixar fan.  Even though their last joint 'Cars' was arguably the worst of their best....it was still heads above any other animated feature that year.  With their long running streak, Pixar is now facing the gift and the curse of being a straight-A student:  Your dazzling work eventually becomes 'the norm' and people only notice you if you fuck up.  I wondered if Ratatouille would deliver...

The Plot:  Patton Oswalt is the voice of Remy, a rat who wants to be a chef.  I know the idea of a rat preparing food is kinda repulsive, but the nigga did know his spices tho....

The Verdict:  Excellent flick.....and a nice mix of humor and heart without being sappy.  I'm convinced that these Pixar niggas just can't miss.  I will say that the love story felt a *little* rushed....but overall I can't complain.  Even my son was laughin at this one....a nigga will be coppin the DVD soon as it drop..

The Grade:  A-


Talk To Me
Rated:  R



The Backstory:  Anything with Don Cheadle automatically has my attention.  But when I saw THIS clip on Youtube of the real Petey Greene, I knew my ticket was gettin copped off GP:

The Plot:  Don Cheadle stars as Petey Greene, a hilarious and slick-talking ex-con who ends up becoming one of Washington DC's top rated radio personalities and community activists.  Chiwetel Ejiofor co-stars as his boss/right hand man/manager Dewey Hughes.

The Verdict:  I spent most of this movie laughin like hell, but there were a few parts that had ya boy a little choked up (the Johnny Carson scene really hit home especially).  I can't say enough about my man Don Cheadle (he's excellent as usual), but the real sleeper is Chiwetel Ejiofor.  I don't know what its gonna take for this cat to 'break out' but damn.....from 'Inside Man' to 'Four Brothers' to 'Dirty Pretty Things' (don't be fooled by the white bidge on the box....the movie was essentially about him....)....this cat murders EVERY role I've seen him in.  Hats off to everybody involved in this production...

The Grade:  A


El Cantante
Rated:  R



The Backstory:  Most of you will probably wonder why I even fucked with this in the first place, but I'm a fan of Latin music (salsa, merengue, bossanova and samba in particular) and figured I'd take the time to learn about one of its legends, Jennifer Lope-..oops, I meant Hector Lavoe..

The Plot:  Marc Anthony plays legendary salsa singer Hector Lavoe, and Jennifer Lopez plays his wife, Puchi.  Shit is basically the Portreekan version of 'Ray,' along with every episode of "Behind the Music"

The Verdict:  Boy, boy, boy.....I REALLY wanted to like this one, but this shit just screams 'Oscar ploy' and J-Lo is trying waaaay too hard.  I swear at one point in the movie I saw her look dead into the camera and scream:  "Look at my layers of emotional depth!  I.....AM.....ACTING!"  Marc Anthony really did his thing as Lavoe, and the music is fabulous.....but as wifey pointed out to me, the nigga has damn near NO dialogue in a movie about HIS life!  In every scene, the nigga is either saingin, snortin coke, or yellin at somebody.  One reviewer compared it to seeing Tony Montana as a salsa singer...and that's not too far from the hilarious truth.  I mean seriously, if this script managed to get a greenlight then I'm on the first thang smokin to LA to pitch my idea for Tyler Perry's "All True Man:  The Alexander O'Neal Story"

El Cantante' was a mess....hopefully the Celia Cruz biopic will be much better...and her director will be a man who's skrong but sensitive...

The Grade:  C- (I really wanna give it a D, but the music was really, really good)

I'm out....gotta go pack for Philly....

Getback 9/25

Can't go a day without my sunshine,
Tigallo

13 Comments             

Chicken Noodle Soup for the Broke Rapper's Soul

Niggren,

I'm in Baltimore prepping for our show tonight at Sonar and I have approximately one hour before I have to get so krispy and go downstairs, so I'mma make this as quick, easy, and painless as possible....

Aspiring producers/rappers/songwriters always hit me on the email asking my advice on 'gettin in the game' and so forth.  I've never been the one to really give advice, but with the record business being on the edge of shambles and so many cats trying to make sense of it all....I thought I'd give you guys some insight straight from the front lines at Ground Zero:

1.  Good music is not good enough anymore.
You have to have incredible music.  Outstanding music.  Music that is simply excellent beyond all measure.  As artists coming along in the digital age, the key thing to remember is that we are not fighting for people's money, so much as we are fighting for their time and attention.  I mean, real rap......content is everywhere. Free downloads, screensavers, raingtones, Youtube clips, etc. Consumers are constantly bombarded with free shit, and finding your way through the bullshit to get to the good shit is TRULY a labor of love.  Part of the reason why me and Pooh made Getback a slim and trim 11 songs is to help cut through much of the clutter in today's market, and to give the listeners the straight story.....people don't have the time to sit through 18 songs, an intro, 5 skits, an outro, and 2 more 'hidden' tracks.  As artists we should always say what we have to say and PROMPTLY shut the fuck up when we're done.  (For those of you not convinced and still pissed about the short tracklisting, don't worry, there will be plenty of bonus cuts and exclusive material available at other outlets...) In our present age, brevity is golden.

2.  There is no better marketing strategy than great music.
Yeah, I'm talking to you, the nigga on his myspace page with his shirt off...AND you, the chick with 'falling objects' on her page with the words "R&B PrInC3SS and First Lady of *insert startup label/money laundering operation here*" 

While it is very true that all artists require an image to some degree, a great image means nothing if your music is shitty.  Your image may get people to look, but your music is ultimately what will KEEP them looking.  I can honestly say that in my few years in this game, everything I've ever gotten has been solely off the fact that people respected my music and understood what I was bringing to the table as an artist.....not because I had a big label budget and a video directed by Steven Spielberg and shit, just my hard earned respect.  Respect, in my opinion, is the cornerstone of any successful career.

Now, I will say that there's another side to this:  To keep people's attention, you must have either great music.....OR really, really, really, really, really shitty music that's just so hilarious and niggerish beyond measure that it makes people laugh. There's a reason why the Chocolate Rain nigga got over 2 million youtube views, folks.....and its not because we are laughing WITH him..

*moves away from the mic to breathe in*

Most of the music that gets passed to me from cats at shows, is quite frankly, just aiight.  Not terrible and definitely has potential, but not particularly great either.  In my opinion, this is the WORST kind of music you can make because it doesn't evoke a listener response either way.  So either be really great or really horrible....either way, people won't forget you and you'll grab their attention.  The kind of attention you want to grab is all up to you though....

3.  The 'rap as a hustle' ethos is pretty much dead.
Make music for the right reasons.  If you're looking to do this solely as a way to get paid, you will be very surprised (and disheartened) once you find out that there isn't much money to be made.  Not to make myself out to be Mr. Wendal or no shit, because I do pretty well to be a nigga with practically no mainstream radio/TV exposure.....but I gotta be real with y'all and hit you with a quote from the Holy Book of Elevators, Chapter Andre, Verse 3000:

"I live by the beat like you live check to check...."

This rap shit is uncertain, yo.  And with the industry being in the state of transition that it is now, its even worse.  My heart goes out to every one of you pursuing your dream of making music in this digital age......I couldn't imagine what its like to be a brand spanking new MC trying to be heard in 2007.  Trying to make it as a rapper in today's marketplace is like trying to convince a woman who's been raped to have sex with you.  I mean, imagine a woman who's been beaten, brutalized, sodomized, pissed on, Wesley Pipe'd, fucked in and out of every hole, forced to perform any and every depraved sexual act you can think of...........and here you come, the nigga with flowers and candy whispering in her ear and telling her that with you 'things will be different....'

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight....... (c) Dr. Evil

This is the uphill battle that we are all facing as artists:  an ever-changing marketplace, an artform that arguably has peaked financially, and a base of consumers that are much more cynical than ever.  *sigh*  Good luck...

4.  This shit really ain't that major yo....
Always, always, always remember this key phrase:  It's just music, people.  Yeah, I know its art and the voice of God workin through us and all that cosmic shit, but when all is said and done, school will still be open on Biggie's birthday (c)Chris Rock  So many of us throw our lives into this, often to the point of self-sacrifice and self-sabotage, and we often forget what is really important:  the lives of those around us, and the people we really love.  So whenever this music shit gets you down, just fall back, log off, go outside and get some fresh air, have a raspberry banana smoothie, hug your girl/wifey/kids and tell 'em you love em, and thank God that you're blessed to see another day.....





....or if that don't work go get the autotune plug-in for ProTools and saing all your songs like my nigga Terrycloth Pain.

Godspeed and best of luck, my fellow artists......you're gonna need it.

Getback 9/25

In the club with his shoes off,
Tigallo

25 Comments             

Mike Tyson's Punchout: Racist as Shit!

Good Peoples,

With everybody in 80's mania over the release of 'Transformers' (which I haven't had time to check yet, sadly), I figured I would take time to revisit one of my most favorite pieces of 80's WASP propaganda, "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out."

Let me start by saying that I usta LOVE this game back in the day, yo.  The Mike Tyson code is still embedded in my brain to this day (007 373 5963, bidges), right next to the Contra code for 30 men. Seriously.....this game is prolly responsible for more niggas flunkin 3rd grade than I care to imagine:

Little Boy 1: "Ay man, you gon study for Ms. Johnson's test tomorrow?"
Little Boy 2: "Man hell naw, I'm trynna beat the 2nd Bald Bull...."

*six weeks later*

Mama:  "Boy, how the hell you get a 'F' in social studies?"
Little Boy 1: "Ionno....."
Mama:  "Playin that damn Nintendo all night.....unhook that shit from the TV and put it in my room!"*
*Note:  If your moms was extra evil (like mine), she would take it even further and hide the controllers.

Although this game is an undeniable classic and has provided me with countless hours of entertainment, I now view it with a different perspective.  While the character of Little Mac and the whole 'Great White Hope' theme is certainly nothing new (only recently have video games started using racially 'neutral' characters, i.e. Torque from 'The Suffering' or Kratos from 'God of War,' the latter voiced by a Black man.....go figure....), this game takes the racial stereotyping to whole new levels and begs the question:  Is "Mike Tyson's Punchout" just mindless entertainment, or is a game centered around a white boy knockin out niggas from all over the world just another part of The Man's CON-SPEER-UH-CEE?  Hmmmmmm.......

*eyes widen, looks directly into camera*


First off, let's examine the main character, Little Mac (henceforth niggerized as 'Lil' Mac):

Like I said before, the Great White Hype character is nothing new, but "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out" takes this archetype to whole new levels by giving Lil' Mac a coonishly illustrated trainer named Doc Louis (pictured above).  Complete with an unquenchable thirst for victory, as well as a down-on-his-luck, bug-eyed nigga in his corner, Lil' Mac along with his All-Wise, All-Knowing pocket sambo are poised for victory. But first they must defeat the terrorists, excuse me, boxers in their way:

Glass Joe

The first country Lil' Mac has to conquer is France, and he does so by knocking out their weakest export Glass Joe.  In the game developer's defense, most French niggas do be all skinny and shit like ya boy Joe.  However, a few years ago I was in France a day before they celebrated Bastille Day, and summa them white boys was in the street lookin brolic as hell.  Methinks that if Lil' Mac were to run up on Herve and Francois after they had a few drainks in 'em, they'd bust that ass.....on to the next one (c) De La Soul:

Von Kaiser

Lil' Mac continues his war on terrorism by traveling to Germany and defeating their champion Von Kaiser.  I guess Mac still had beef w/Germany from the way they handled WWII, so he carries his patriot rage into the ring and beats this nigga pretty easily.  I will say that I ain't never seen a German with the handlebar moustache, but I'm guessing the developers only gave him that kinda moustache because the Hitler/Charlie Chaplin joint they originally had didn't make it past the censors.  Our award tour continues with:

Piston Honda

Piston Honda is one of the most puzzling characters in "Punch-Out."  He's supposed to be Japanese, but I always thought he was just a nigga in the service who was stationed in Japan. (He DID have porkchop sideburns yo...)  I mean, aside from his 'Japanese' gibberish in between rounds and a Daniel-san style headband that he wore, Piston always reminded me of this guy from 2 Live Crew:

Maybe Piston Honda was a blacken chinese man (c) Rehdogg.....anyway, our trusty hero Lil' Mac defeats the jap and keeps trekking on to Spain where he meets:

Don Flamenco

In order to rid the world of everything that is not pure and white and godly, Lil' Mac rages war against a Spanish homosexual named Don Flamenco. (Don't believe he's gay?  The nigga comes out with a rose in his mouth and compliments Mario on his hair, yo....the defense rests...)  I don't know why the developers felt the need to have our hero bash a harmless gay dude, but as the game shows us, the worst is CLEARLY yet to come:

Kaing Hippo

Do I even have to explain this one?

Lil' Mac beats the living shit out of a grown ass monkey, fam.....

A MONKEY.

*rolls eyes*

Great Tiger

In one of the game's most brazenly stereotypical moments, our hero travels to Bombay, India to fight a man named Great Tiger.  As if the genie pants and the tiger references weren't enough, Great Tiger also comes equipped with (aha!) his very own Mystical Magical Sandnigger Turban that enables him to disappear and throw a flurry of dizzying punches.  I mean, it seriously doesn't get anymore stereotypically racist than that.  They might as well have had that nigga eatin chicken biryani w/chapati bread in between rounds....

Bald Bull

This guy always confused me.  Back then, I had no idea where Turkey was or what the people looked like.....but I figured there was no way they could look like Bald Bull, who looked like a nigga from Cleveland that be workin on alternators and shit...  Overall he was a very scary and menacing fighter tho....complete with the same deranged looking eyes and arched eyebrows as this guy:

Anyways, Lil' Mac makes short work of the Turk and travels to Russia to take on a drunken commie bastard:

Soda Popinski

In one of the game's most bizarre fights, Lil' Mac takes on a pink-skinned Soviet alcoholic.  I dunno why the nigga was pink tho...maybe the developers were trying to tell us about the dangers of drinking.......or being in a 'Red' state, perhaps?  Anyway, Lil' Mac beats this nigga and makes Senator McCarthy proud. He then travels back home to fight domestic terrorism.....first stop, South Philly:

Mr. Sandman

On some real shit, Sandman mighta been the rawest nigga in the game.  Although little was known about his background, I think its safe to assume that he was prolly fresh out the joint and had 5 or 6 kids and shit.  Aside from the obvious racial connotations with the name 'Sandman' (either a nod to legendary tap dancer Sandman Sims, or a reference to how much niggas love to sleep), the developers also made Mr. Sandman quite possibly the GREASIEST nigga to ever appear in a video game.  Although his victory is not easily won, our Great White Hope triumphs against the darkness and takes a flight out to Cali:

Super Macho Man

For his character to be so vain, this nigga was ugly as shit yo....Hailing from Hollywood, CA and flexing his pectoral muscles at the start of every round, I imagine that Super Macho Man was the developers' way of taking a shot at those hippie ass liberal Blue Staters who don't realize that freedom isn't free. Once our hero beats this wannabe movie star ass nigga, he and his ace boom coon Doc Louis prepare themselves for the main event:  

Mike Tyson

In his prime, Mike Tyson was probably my favorite boxer EVER.  So you could imagine how hard it was for me to believe that a hoe ass nigga named Lil' Mac could ever take him out of his game......but as we've learned in this game, ANYTHING is possible.  I can't knock the way they designed his character tho.....the nigga was hard as shit to beat (those first 1:30 secs of round 1 were MURDER.....).  Once you defeated Mike (either by knockout, or by getting over 5,000 points and winning by decision), Lil' Mac went on to become a champion and thus the game's lesson is made clear:  In order for white supremacy to be successful you must rid of our beloved country of niggers, Germans, homos, Japs, terrorists and hippos (?). 

You a bitch ass nigga, Lil Mac.  You and your foot shufflin ass trainer get the Tigallo Gas Face:

I hope you've been entertained.  Getback 9/25, bidges....

Peace,
Tigallo

85 Comments             

Burying the N-word? Nigga, please...

Family,

I normally don't get 'political,' per se...but some shit is just so bass ackwards that you can't help but speak upon it...

These NAACP niggas done lost they minds, yo....like, seriously....these niggas is gangbangin on bacon right now....(c) Katt Williams

Do these niggas know how silly they look trynna bury a word?  A WORD, fam....  What they gon write on the tombstone, "Rest In Peace, NIGGA?"

Even better, what did they write for the obituary?

"On this 10th day of July, in the year 2007, the Lord stretched out his arms and his oldest son NIGGA was called home to etermal rest.  A worldly man, NIGGA could frequently be found in the strip club, the grocery store, the community center, and even the church on occasion.   NIGGA reached worldwide popularity thanks to hip-hop, whose artists' frequently shouted NIGGA'S name out even more than their own.  NIGGA is survived by his devoted wife of 200 years, Mammy; his lovely daughters Bitch and Ho; twin sons, Coon and Sambo; a distant cousin, Tarbaby; and a young niece, Pickaninny."

Do these niggas know that even if you erased the word 'nigga' from the English language, Black people would still have MUCH bigger problems to deal with?

Do these niggas realize that words only have the power that you lend them, and that 90% of that power comes from the person saying them and the way they PRESENT those words to you?  I've had Black people say 'my nigga' and make me feel loved, while I've had white folks call me 'Mr. Coleman' and make me feel like shit...

Do these niggas not see the irony in the fact that the Black community's newfound 'consciousness' was in fact brought about by the firing and ostracizing of two WHITE men? (Mike Richards and Don Imus)

This country.....boy, I swear.....

*counts backwards from 10*
*breathes deep*
*throws on Kenny G's 'Songbird'*

Anyway, for all the people who's been askin, "Getback" is droppin 9/25 on ABB Records, and don't worry, me and Pooh gon be sayin 'nigga' all thew that shit....lol

We'll be putting up a new blog and/or video entry every Tuesday until the album drops (and yes, Great Moments in Negro Cinema is coming back too...along with a few special guests....)

Stay strong, my niggas......and thanks for supporting the movement...

One,
Tigallo.

Click for original posting on Little Brother's MySpace.

345 Comments             

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